Q: What’s a proctologist?

A: A crack investigator.

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Q: What do you call nuts on a wall?

A: Walnuts

Q: What do you call nuts on a chest?

A: Chestnuts

Q: What do you call nuts on a chin?

A: Blowjob

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Some people spend their every waking moment pursuing SUCCESS, to the detriment of everything else. At the other end of the spectrum are people who feel that success is impossible. They conclude that it is destined only for a select few. And the rest of us in between are content with whatever we have. We may desire greater success, but we believe somehow that we’re not “fated” or “destined” to achieve it. However, these assumptions couldn’t be further from the truth. My take is, what you think you will get. If you believe you will be successful, you will be. If you think you cannot attain success, you never will.

You can’t hurry success, catch it, or find it by chance.You can’t inherit it, gate-crash it, or take it from someone else. Success is something you must work hard and long to earn, for yourself. It has a price, sometimes a very high one. And most people aren’t really and truly ready to pay that price, to do what success demands. To achieve success, first you must understand that success is a process. It requires time and patience. There are no short cuts. Anything else is just a temporary illusion.

In order to attain success, you will also need to acquire traits and skills that attract it. Define what success means to you. What traits or skills will you need to achieve this goal? Devise plans to acquire the needed traits and skills. Learn to do what you need to do, to get where you want to go. Find two or three people who have what you want. Write down the habits that have made them successful and resolve to copy them. And once you’ve made up your mind to achieve success, you must be ready to travel the road to success, oftentimes alone, and do whatever it takes.

Anyone can succeed, but not every one will. And success differs for each person. It’s your definition, and your willingless to achieve it.

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John, woke up after the annual office Christmas party with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening.

After a trip to the bathroom, he made his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him.

“Louise,” he moaned, “tell me what happened last night. Was it as bad as I think?”

“Even worse,” she said, her voice oozing scorn. “You made a complete ass of yourself. You succeeded in antagonizing the entire board of directors and you insulted the president of the company, right to his face.”

“He’s an asshole,” John said. “Piss on him.”

“You did,” came the reply. “And he fired you.”

“Well, screw him!” said John.

“I did. You’re back at work on Monday.

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The stock markets are composed of people, lots of them with many different roles. Fellow market participants trade the same stocks you’re trading. Market analysts make their predictions, and broadcasters report these predictions. There are many people trying to make money from the markets in their own way, whether it is reporting, forecasting, or trading. It’s easy to make trading interpersonal and believe that unless the actions of people involved in the markets are out to help you, they are against you.

But as a trader, you must not look at the market in conventional, interpersonal terms. Don’t think that people’s motives and actions have anything to do with you. It is vital that you forget that you are dealing with people and just focus on the price of the stock and the factors that explain or correlate with it. After all, it was people who sold and may have thwarted your trading plan. But no one is taking specific action against you. Everyone is merely trying to make money from the markets. They are just doing their jobs. Don’t take it personally. It’s just business of trading. Unless you have inside knowledge, or a crystal ball, we don’t really know what is going to happen today, tomorrow, next week or next year. In the end, you must make a decision based on the available information you have and make an educated guess.

Some traders will be wrong, others will be right. What you must do is realize that there is an element of uncertainty in the end, and that when an outcome is uncertain, you are taking a risk. Psychologically, you must accept risk and uncertainty. It’s part of trading. It may be ideal if we could eliminate risk, but we can’t. It’s vital that you take things in stride and view events as somewhat unpredictable, as if you are flipping a coin and betting on the outcome. If you flip it enough times, the odds can work in your favor. But if you are stunned by the outcome, panic, and are afraid to trade, you won’t make much progress. So stay objective, rational, and keep trading. Live by the motto, “Ultimately, it’s impossible to know what will happen, and it’s just business. That is Life.

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Whatever you do, do it to the purpose; do it thoroughly, not superficially. Go to the bottom of things. Any thing half done, or half known, is in my mind, neither done nor known at all. Nay, worse, for it often misleads.

Lord Chesterfield

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The average rent in five central wards is up 12% last month from June 2007.

(TOKYO) Japan’s leading estate firms including Mitsui Fudosan Co have begun proposing big rent rises in central Tokyo, where office vacancy rates have been hovering near 20-year lows.

These rock-bottom vacancy rates have helped Mitsui Fudosan and rival Mitsubishi Estate Co weather tougher times for much of Japan’s property market, which has been hit by tighter credit and stricter apartment building codes.

Mitsui Fudosan, Japan’s largest real estate developer, said yesterday that it was in talks with tenants to raise office rents in central Tokyo by an average of 10-15 per cent.

The country’s second-largest developer, Mitsubishi Estate, also said that it was in talks with tenants to raise office rents in the Marunouchi area of central Tokyo by 15-20 per cent.

Another major developer, unlisted Mori Trust Co, said that it was preparing to raise office rents in central Tokyo’s Minato district by an average of 20 per cent.

‘Tokyo’s office market is extremely tight. With signs of an economic recovery, many companies started hiring more people, and that’s making them want to move to bigger offices.’

The office vacancy rate in Tokyo’s 23 wards stood at 2.1 per cent last month - the lowest since the bursting of Japan’s asset-inflated bubble economy in 1990, according to Ikoma Data Service System, a research firm specialising in the market for office buildings.

Average rent in Tokyo’s five central wards last month was 15,120 yen (S$199) per approximately 3.3 sq m. That marks a 12 per cent increase from 13,530 yen in June of last year, according to the most recently available data from Ikoma.

‘Tokyo’s office market is extremely tight,’ said Ikoma researcher Mitsuhiro Asada.

‘With signs of an economic recovery, many companies started hiring more people, and that’s making them want to move to bigger offices,’ he said.

He added that such conditions would likely last for a while, helping real estate firms’ businesses.

Office space crunch in Japan also, so I see…. That should help rentals rise all round.

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Schroders Investment Management yesterday released a report entitled ‘The case for US equities’. In the report, they said that stocks will be in favour again in Wall Street and that the US economy could recover soon. ‘As of May, most indicators for the US economy reflect a weak situation. Interestingly, the tone of discussion has shifted from ‘recession’ to ‘recession or near-recession’. Commentators no longer state it as a given that the US is in or is entering into a recession,’ said Schroders.

It added that the best which can be said for now is that the US is not in as bad a shape as most had expected, that valuations are not expensive, and that contrarian buying is probably close at hand.

Morgan Stanley, in the meantime, in a May 28 Global Economics report looked at the issue of high oil prices, surging inflation, and the possibility of a resultant recession. ‘We expect slower growth, not a global recession. The price hikes transfer income rather than destroy it; subsidies mute the price hike’s impact in a number of economies and central banks aren’t tightening aggressively. But the shock likely will hurt oil consumers, magnifying downside risks to growth.’

From expectations of a sure thing of a global recession, to slower growth. Things are looking up!

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Oil prices fell sharply in volatile trade on Thursday as traders reacted to a weekly US energy report that revealed a slump in crude oil inventories.

Prices had initially jumped higher in the wake of the report’s release, but values subsequently tumbled as some analysts questioned if energy demand was dropping amid sky-high prices.

New York’s main oil futures contract, light sweet crude for July delivery, lost a hefty US$4.41 to close down at US$126.62 per barrel, after spiking above US$133 following the release of the weekly stockpile snapshot.

In London, Brent North Sea crude for July delivery tumbled US$4.04 to settle lower at US$126.89.

The slide in prices comes after both contracts had struck historic peaks a week ago, with Brent hitting US$135.14 and New York prices reaching US$135.09 on tight supply fears.

Traders said prices may also have dropped on Thursday as some market speculators likely decided the time was ripe to engage in a bout of profit taking.

The price moves came after the US Department of Energy (DoE) reported that American crude reserves slumped 8.8 million barrels in the week ending May 23.

Gasoline or petrol stockpiles tumbled 3.2 million barrels. Market expectations had been for no change.

‘The first reaction was bullish, then we saw demand is down … so we wondered where is all the crude going,’ said Sucden analyst Robert Montefusco.

The DoE report was published one day later than usual due to a public holiday in the United States on Monday.

Hahaha! That is good news. Hope more benign news will follow in the coming weeks!

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A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver and starts yelling, “If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I’d be a little bull.”

The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues with, “If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant.”

The kid goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells at the kid, “What if your dad was gay and your mom was a prostitute?!”

The kid smiles and says, “I would be a bus driver!”

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