An Arab has spent many days crossing the desert without
finding a source of water. It gets so bad that his camel
dies of thirst. He’s crawling through the sands, certain
that he has breathed his last, when all of a sudden he sees
a shiny object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead
of him. He crawls to the object, pulls is out of the sand,
and discovers that he has a Manischevitz wine bottle. It
appears that there may be a drop or two left in the bottle,
so he unscrews the top and out pops a genie. But this is no
ordinary genie. This genie appears to be a Chasidic rabbi,
complete with black kapota coat, black hat, side curls, etc.
“Well, kid,” says the genie. “You know how it works. You have
three wishes.”

“I’m not going to trust you,” says the Arab. “I’m not going to
trust a Jewish genie!”

“What do you have to lose? It looks like you’re a goner anyway!”
The Arab thinks about this for a minute, and decides that the
genie is right. “OK, I wish I were in a lush oasis with
plentiful food and drink.”

***POOF***

The Arab finds himself in the most beautiful oasis he has ever
seen. He is surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of
delicacies.

“OK, kid, what’s your second wish.”

“My second wish is that I were rich beyond my wildest dreams.”

***POOF***

The Arab finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled
with rare gold coins and precious gems. “OK, kid, you have
just one more wish. Better make it a good one!” After
thinking for a few minutes, the Arab says: “I wish I were
white and surrounded by beautiful women.”

***POOF***

The Arab is turned into a Tampax.

The moral of the story is: If you do business with a Jewish
genie, there’s going to be a string attached

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- Singapore’s services sector held up in 3Q08 with a 11.6% YoY rise in overall business receipts. However, this reflected a slower rise compared to a 14.4% rise in 2Q08 and a 18.8% rise in 1Q08.

- Starhub has launched a Home Zone package that gives its MaxOnline and mobile subscribers unlimited free voice and video calls and SMSes when they are at home.

- ST Engineering said its aerospace arm has clinched a US$51m contract from the Indonesian Air Force to perform maintenance and modification on four C-130B aircraft.

- MI-REIT aims to refinance some S$201m of debt due in Apr 09 by the end of Jan 09.

- Hong Leong Asia has made another attempt to acquire Tasek Corporation Berhad in an offer that values the Malaysia building material company at about S$290m.

- Inter-Roller Engineering has secured another contract worth S$6m for three airports in India.

- Keppel Seghers Engineering Singapore, Sembawang Engineers and Constructors, and United Engineers are in the running for a multi-million dollar PUB contract that could be worth between S$279.2m and S$335.2m.

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I was driving to work the other day when I hit a pig. I was just
gonna drive away when I thought better of it and called the police
to tell them.

The dispatcher said, “Thanks for calling us, but don’t you go
anywhere. It’s illegal to hit livestock in this state. That’s
a $300 fine.”

So I hung up, got in the car, and drove off. When I got to work
there was a cop waiting for me. He gave me a ticket for $300.

When I asked him how he found me he said, “The pig squealed.”

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Little Pauly was so happy to see his grandmother that he ran up and
gave her a big hug.

“I’m so happy to see you, grandma. Now daddy will have to do that
trick he’s been promising to do!”

His grandmother was curious. “What trick is that, sweetie?”

Little Pauly: “I heard daddy tell mommy that he would climb the walls
if you came to visit us again!”

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To succeed, you must first improve, to improve, you must first practice, to practice, you must first learn, to learn, you must first fail.

Wesley Woo

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Patience, persistence and perspiration make an unbeatable combination for success.

Napolean Hill

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My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can’t
decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.

Rita Rudner

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Knowledge is not power; implementation is power.

Garrison Wynn

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Tim, Pauly, and Maury were all locked away (surely, by some tragic
mistake) in a mental institution.

One day, the doctor tells them that if they pass a test he wanted to
administer to them, they’d be deemed mentally competent and free to
leave the nut house. Should they fail, however, they’d be locked away
for another five years of observation.

All three took the doc up on his offer. The four of them went to the
hospital’s indoor pool. The pool was drained of water. The doctor leads
the patients up to the diving platform.

The doctor motions to Maury. “Jump.”

Without hesitation, Maury leaps off the platform, right into the pool,
breaking both arms in the process.

The doctor notes this on his clipboard and tells Pauly “Jump.”

Also without hesitation, Pauly flies off the platform into the empty
poll, breaking both of his legs.

After noting the results on his clipboard, the doctor tells Tim,
“Jump.”

Tim shakes his head. “Naw. I don’t think so.”

The doctor notes this on his clipboard rather enthusiastically and
says, “Congratulations, Perfesser. You’re a free man. Just tell me one
thing. Why didn’t you jump?”

Tim: “I can’t swim.”

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There Is Power In The Words We Use Each Day That Can Create A Great Impact On Those Around Us. So Use Your Words Wisely So That It Will Lift Up Your Attitude, Passion And Mood As Well As Those Around You. I Have Learned That You Can Have A Positive Impact On Another Person’s Life With Just A Few Encouraging & Kind Words. Remember That Everyone Out There, Is Fighting A Tough Battle In Life….

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