Support bacteria - they’re the only culture some people have.

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Man:   “Haven’t we met before?”

Woman: “Yes, I’m the receptionist at the VD Clinic.”

 

Man:   “Haven’t I seen you someplace before?

Woman: “Yeah, that’s why I don’t go there anymore.”

 

Man:    “Is this seat empty?”

Woman: “Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.”

 

Man:   “Your place or mine?”

Woman: “Both.  You go to yours and I’ll go to mine.”

 

Man:   “I’d like to call you.  What’s your number?”

Woman: “It’s in the phone book.”

Man:   “But I don’t know your name!!”

Woman: “That’s in the phone book too.”

 

Man:    “So what do you do for a living?”

Woman:  “I’m a female impersonator.”

 

Man:   “What sign were you born under?”

Woman: “No Parking.”

 

Man:   “Hey, baby, what’s your sign?”

Woman: “Do not Enter”

 

Man:   “How do you like your eggs in the morning?”

Woman: “Unfertilized !”

 

Man:   “Hey, come on, we’re both here at this bar for the same reason”

Woman: “Yeah!  Let’s pick up some chicks!”

 

Man:   “I’m here to fulfill your every sexual fantasy.”

Woman: “You mean you’ve got both a donkey and a Great Dane?”

 

Man:   “I know how to please a woman.”

Woman: “Then please leave me alone.”

 

Man:   “I want to give myself to you.”

Woman: “Sorry, I don’t accept cheap gifts.”

 

Man:   “I can tell that you want me.”

Woman: “Ohhhh.  You’re so right.  I want you to leave.”

 

Man:   “If I could see you naked, I’d die happy”

Woman: “Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I’d probably die laughing.”

 

Man:   “Your body is like a temple.”

Woman: “Sorry, there are no services today.”

 

Man:   “I’d go through anything for you.”

Woman: “Good!  Let’s start with your bank account.”

 

Man:   “I would go to the end of the world for you.

Woman: “Yes, but would you stay there?”

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Three men were sitting together discussing about how they had
given their new wives her duties.

The first man had married a woman from Colorado and had told her
that she was going to do dishes and housecleaning. It took a
couple days, but on the third day he came home to a clean house
and dishes washed and put away.

The second man had married a woman from Nebraska. He had given his
wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the
cooking. The first day he didn’t see any results, but the next day
he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean,
the dishes were done, and there was a huge dinner on the table.

The third man had married a girl from Central New York. He told
her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed,
lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every
meal. He said the first day he didn’t see anything, the second day
he didn’t see anything, but by the third day some of the swelling
had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, enough
to fix himself a bite to eat and load the dishwasher.

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When trading the markets during the past few months, good days and bad days come and go, and no one seems to know what will happen next. A good day is when you anticipated the media coverage correctly and the masses reacted in a way that you expected. A bad day is when an unexpected news event thwarted your plans. Unless you have a great deal of capital to trade or nerves of steel, it’s hard to avoid reacting emotionally. Sometimes it’s a good idea to just stand aside when things aren’t going your way, rather than get upset and make things worse. But if you decide to trade during uncertain times, it’s essential to trade with the proper mental edge.

There’s also a psychological aspect to trading like a winner, and sometimes it’s important to just remember some common human tendencies to think “irrationally.” For example, there’s a human need to avoid loss and this need is often manifested in the need to be right. But don’t be afraid to admit you are wrong. And don’t think that you must capitalize on every opportunity to make a profit. Don’t hold overly high expectations. When your expectations are too high, you place too much pressure on yourself, and it interferes with your train of thought. By trading under the right mental conditions, you stay will calm and trade more profitably.

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